Let’s Talk About Sex & Protection: The conversations that often happen way too late!

If you’re above the age of 12, chances are you’ve gotten some type of Sex Ed through your school, family, friends, the Internet, the media or from your own personal discovery. Even though we have tons of sexual health information brought to us daily sometimes we still act as if we are naive preteens hearing it for the first time when things go wrong. We’ve all had those times where we might have not been paying attention or didn’t read the directions all the way through. I can still remember the time I had my first “pregnancy scare,” Now I quoted this because there was no way I could have possibly gotten pregnant off of this, but I had a deep fear of pre-cum at the time. I had been scared to death of it ever since a bunch of chicks I knew at the time told everyone that they all got pregnant off of pre-cum. Due to my lack of sexual experience, I believed them and didn’t know that was code for “I had unprotected sex but I’m low-key embarrassed to tell everyone that, so I’m just going to say the condom broke and I got pregnant from pre-cum even though there was no condom present.” Yet my little naive ass didn’t know this at the time, so the first time I had sex without a condom I was paranoid about getting pregnant, even though my boo at the time pulled out in ample time. I remember taking a Plan B for the first time ever, just to keep my mind at ease. Then my period came madddddd late. I’m talking about over a week late. I was panicking trying to devise a plan that would let me graduate a year earlier from college since I already had the credits so I could graduate, have the baby and move cross-country to start a family with my boo. Now I can totally laugh at this moment now and realize how crazy this all sounds. Yet I can still remember the conversation I had with him the day my period finally came. I remember I was in tears telling him this whole story and telling him how scared I was. Even though I know this man could’ve laughed in my face because there was no way I could have been pregnant, he didn’t. He gently told me that was one of the side effects of the Plan B pill and comforted me letting me know that it wouldn’t have been the end of the world if it had happened, but we were both relieved we weren’t parents.



Yesterday I saw a post on Facebook about rapper Fetty Wap asking his soon-to-be baby momma Love & Hip Hop Hollywood star Masika Kalysha to allegedly get an abortion on their unborn child. I thought this was crazy since he was just denying that it was his kid in the first place, but thanks to social media they were able to place some videos that dated back to conception of Lil Baby Wap. Of course Masika stated that she was keeping the baby because she didn’t believe in abortion. Now whether or not it’s because he has “Benjamins all in his pocket” is the primary reason for her keeping the child was not discussed. However, I couldn’t help but think why is this just being discussed now. Blaming Masika for becoming pregnant isn’t anything new either because of course she rode those sperm right on in by herself! If this was a chick you had no intentions on locking down and it was only for one night why didn’t you wrap it up. Protection responsibility relies on both parties equally. Even if you thought you were the “Pull Out Champ”, sometimes you can miscalculate your detonation time. Also you can’t rely solely on taking a woman’s word that she’s on birth control and takes it properly, especially if she’s on the pill. Unless you truly know she’s responsible for using her method properly and she’s not out trying to trap a dude. I wouldn’t try it. Also be grateful that it was a baby and not something incurable because not everything can be fixed by a shot or pill. The craziest part about this all is these aren’t teenagers we’re talking about, these are grown ass people who should know better, but they’re out here going crazy with their lives.


In a perfect world we would all have the sex talk prior to, unfortunately it doesn’t always happen like that. Sometimes the best you’re going to get is the “you got a condom?” line. Hey it’s better than nothing and at least you know the other person cares about protecting themselves. Yet there’s a lot more that needs to be involved in these conversations such as “when’s the last time you’ve gotten tested?” “What did you get tested for?” “What were your results?” “Are you on birth control?” “What would you do if something happened like the condom broke or you got pregnant?” “What’s your belief on the Plan B pill?” “What are your beliefs on abortion?” “How many people are you sleeping with currently” the list goes on. Yet most of these questions are never answered due to embarrassment, not caring, and fear of ruining the moment. Even if you don’t have these conversations at the “ideal” time it’s still important that you have it at some point. Trust me I’m not perfect, I’m guilty of having the conversation after and sometimes even during. Which if you do have it during you still might want to have another one afterwards because they could be saying anything due to the advantage point.


It’s better to know than to assume. You can’t know someone’s sexual history or behavior based off of how they look or act. Just because someone has a certain number of sexual partners doesn’t mean that person is having “safe sex” either. They might not have been tested before either. Some STDs show no signs, so if you are sexually active and have never been tested before just because you don’t have any symptoms, I suggest you get tested. Depending on your behavior at least get tested every 6-12 months, even if you’re in a relationship. There’s places that offer free testing and places you can get it done discreetly, but you do have to ask for certain testing because not every place screens you for everything. There’s no shame in getting tested, unless you’re too afraid to get tested and out here knowingly burning everybody. Even if you do use protection every time you have intercourse chances are if you’re participating in oral linguistics you might not always use protection that way. Think about it when is the last time you used a condom, dental dam or Saran Wrap on your partner for that, diseases can be transmitted that way as well, even if you don’t consider it to be sex. The same with birth control, just because you’re not in a relationship and on birth control does not mean you’re a hoe! Women use birth control for various reasons to regulate cycles, calm cramps & PMS, backup protection, etc. So don’t let some men and stupid ass memes dictate how you should protect yourself. Also just because you are on birth control doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use condoms. Birth control prevents pregnancy not STDs.


So don’t think that you are immune to anything because of your age, race, sexual orientation, status, etc. Your Benz is not going to give you immunity to HIV. Your 30 inch Peruvian Straight isn’t going to magically block that sperm to prevent fertilization. That degree from Harvard isn’t going to protect you from getting Herpes. My point is that you are the only person who is responsible for your sexual health and behavior, until you see the value of it being protected no one else will. The change starts with you!


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